I’m really curious. How open minded are you to learning lessons when something bad happens in your life?
You see, if there’s one thing I’ve observed from this pandemic era, it’s how people have reacted.
Some have put off goals and dreams because of the pandemic.
While others have accelerated working on their goals and dreams… because of the pandemic.
Some have put on more unwanted weight and gotten more sedentary because of the pandemic.
While others have started working on becoming healthier because of the pandemic.
Some are still using the pandemic as an excuse why they still haven’t done X, Y and Z yet.
While others have used the pandemic as a reason to reflect and up level the quality of their life more so than ever before.
In the last few years, between going through the toughest time in my own marriage, watching others end theirs and then losing too many people I love and care about to illness, I really started to wonder why is it that so many of us wait until it’s too late or almost too late before we do anything differently.
As human beings, do we really need to live this way? I mean, do we have to wait until something really awful happens before we decide to live life differently?
Until we get that dreadful diagnosis…
Until our partner ends up cheating on us…
Until we lose our job…
Now if you’re a bit like me, you understand that the dreadful diagnosis, the partner cheating, losing a job are all signs or symptoms of a bigger problem. They themselves are not the problem. Well, they definitely are a problem. But not THE problem.
THE REAL problem is something that you have to dig deeper in order to find.
And unfortunately, most people don’t want to spend the time to find out.
They’ll chalk it up to ‘oh, it’s genetic’ or ‘I’ve tried everything’ or ‘it’s their fault’.
You know what’s common in all those reasons? They give you permission to do nothing. And most people like to do nothing. We present such a strong case in our minds that there is nothing else left to do because there is no solution.
And guess what? When our mind is made up. That’s how it will be.
But can you imagine if there was someone out in the world who had very similar circumstances to you, yet they somehow were able to take that awful thing that happened and turn it around? Are you the type of person to say ‘ok, tell me more’ or are you the type of person to say ’there’s no way’ because the story you created in your mind is so convincing to you?
When I decided that I didn’t want to wait any longer to feel more joyful and more fulfilled in my marriage, that’s when I truly began to be open minded to learning.
Did I feel like I had tried everything? Definitely. Did I feel like a lot of it was his fault? Definitely. But when you only know what you know, “I tried everything” doesn’t really make sense, does it? Because the reality is, you’ve only tried everything you know.
But I knew there were people out there who had been married for a long time and were genuinely happy. And, nope. I don’t believe for a second, that it’s only because they were the perfect match to start with. What I do believe though, is that you and this other person’s lives were brought together for a reason. And if you don’t know by now, all the negative stuff in your relationship are just a part of a bigger lesson. The lesson about your own self love and self discovery. What boundaries do you have? How do you give and receive love? How much do you love yourself? How well do you communicate with others? With yourself? What are your triggers? Where do they come from? What mommy issues do you have that are now bleeding into your relationship? What daddy issues? And the list goes on.
And the same applies to other areas of your life, like your whole health, your job or career and your other relationships. Does your life flow when it’s good? When it’s bad? Do you feel in control? Grounded? Centered? Balanced?
And if you answered no to any of these questions, then maybe it’s time to ask yourself “Why wait?”