I remember the first time I heard the term "love tank". It was in a children's book that I bought for my young children at the time. The book was written so simply (after all, its audience were young children), but the message or the lesson was invaluable. I remember thinking at the time that this book needs to be read by every single adult as well as children.
So the basic concept of a 'love tank' is that everyone has one. And depending on what's going on in your life at the time, it's fuller or emptier. So if you're happy and getting all the things you need, your love tank is close to full. But if you're sad or angry or have a lot of emotions suppressed, your love tank is close to empty, maybe even completely drained.
When I was in my teens or even early 20's, I felt sad, angry, conflicted and a lot of resentment towards people in my life that I thought were supposed to love me and support me. My love tank was low. All I could do was figure out how to make myself not feel those negative feelings. So I looked to the experts - books, seminars, talking to close friends who had similar feelings/situations or were once in the same boat, but now feeling much happier.
And guess what? Gradually my love tank filled up.
And when it filled up, guess what happened next? I reached out to others who had similar experiences, or needed a helping hand or listening ear. And I noticed that their love tanks started filling up.
As a person who is a planner (yep, that's me to the core… always looking ahead), I decided that my love tank needed to be filled up to the brim (or as close as possible) before I could be ready to have my own children, and bring new lives into my world. So I worked on it. For several years.
And unbeknownst to me at the time, when I finally felt my love tank was full enough for me to start becoming a mother, it took another 4 years of my love tank going down and up, mostly down, literally an emotional and mental roller coaster ride, before the day I got the news that I was finally pregnant. Hallelujah!
So the last 17 years and 3 children later, (parents, I don't need to tell you this because you know what I'm talking about already), have been days, years, moments of our love tanks going up and down. And for those who aren't parents yet, or are thinking of becoming parents in the future, brace yourself for Mr. Toad's wild ride! And I say this not to discourage you because having children and being able to raise them with your love tank closer to being filled vs. not, has been to date, my most greatest joy.
For watching your kids grow up into kind, respectful, talented, skilled and caring young adults, and having hope for a bright future ahead of them, has all been worth it.
But let's be real. Parenting well is no walk in the park.
Back to the love tank. If you haven't mastered how to navigate and manage your love tank by now, then I suggest you start reading those books and attending those seminars like I did. Like I mentioned, it took me years, even decades, to first become self-aware, and then to self-teach myself all the ins and outs of my thoughts, my feelings and my behaviors. I realized the love tank was what determined how intelligent I was emotionally and mentally. And that in turn, caused which actions (or inaction) I would take (cognitive behavioral therapy anyone?).
Or, you can hire a professional therapist or coach like myself or my team to help you with building that love tank back up.
Sometimes as adults, we aren't even aware of what it is exactly that makes our love tank so low. A Create Balance life coach who has been trained professionally on integrative wellness, finding the balance and harmony between all of your internal and external systems (mental, emotional, physical and spiritual), can help you get that emotional and mental intelligence that we all need, and thus, fill up your love tank.
And when this happens, you are no longer serving only yourself well, but you're able to extend your love out to your loved ones, and into the world, and have greater purpose. Because life happens to us, good or bad. Often, it's not anything anyone anticipated.
At this current time, I'm in some predicaments that I never wanted to happen. Probably some of the most challenging times in my life, but because my love tank is close to full right now, I'm able to handle them with a clear head and heart, that therefore allows me to seek out the necessary help to overcome them, and move forward.
As a coach, I help my clients stay focused on their goals, and not all the emotional and mental clutter that comes with that often. We work with you to manage those aspects so that you can stay focused on your goals and dreams. I have to do the same for myself. Always.
Remember the superhero concept from my previous blog? Put on your superhero cape, and bring it on.